free flying soul

"this world has nothing for me and this world has everything...all that I could want and nothing that I need"

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Location: Macclesfield, North Carolina, United States

Born: 1970; Graduated High School: 1988; Married: 1991; Children: 1996, 2000, 2005; Graduated College: 2008; Figured Out This Faith Thing: In Progress

Saturday, May 30, 2009

What A Week

A little over a week ago I noticed a little place on my right calf that looked like an insect bite. The skin around it was red and swollen and my entire calf was sore. I assumed that I had been bitten by a spider while goofing around in the garage on Thursday. I took Benadryl and Naproxen and thought nothing of it.

Last Saturday it got worse. The redness spread down towards my ankle and the swelling extended around my leg. The "bite" expanded to the size of my pinkie nail and started to fester.

By Sunday morning the redness and infection had taken over my whole leg. The "bite" was now the size of a dime. I promptly got up and went to the Emergency Room. They cut it open and mashed it and did all sorts of things that made me feel just great. They gave me an antibiotic and some Tylenol with Codeine and told me to come back for a follow up on Monday.

The doctor came in Monday morning and immediately admitted me to the hospital. I had contracted a lovely little condition known as MRSA . They put an IV in my arm and dosed me up with some serious antibiotics. The ones they had given me on Sunday were basically useless...I might as well have eaten some PEZ.

During the course of the day it was also discovered that: 1) my blood sugar was high, 2) my blood pressure was high and 3) my good cholesterol count was out of whack. So...I hit the health care trifecta. I spent three days in the hospital and now have to take about 1400 pills every morning.

Yesterday afternoon I made the mistake of taking my meds on an empty stomach. If you are ever considering this...hear me out.

DON'T !!!!

I was about as sick as I have been since we all contracted salmonella in Elizabeth City...but that is another story and an altogether different (more evil) kind of sick. The bad thing was that I hadn't eaten so there was no food in my stomach. Think about it for a minute. Throwing up food is bad enough...but throwing up and yielding nothing but bile and stomach acid is on another level...a very bad level. Then there were the cramps that came along with being curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position. A very humbling end to an interesting week. week do I feel?

My leg is still sore. We have to redress and repack (yes, repack) the wound every day. These medicines are seriously making me nauseous...but I've been told that goes away once you get used to them. I'm still sore from the puking and from the bedridden state I was in for the early part of the week. I have ended my life-long stance of protecting spiders though. I used to vehemently defend them and tell people about all of their contributions to society. Now...I just squash them.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

The Return of Oldmangrady

I used to be in a Christian rock band called Oldmangrady. We played at a bunch of local churches and recorded two really cheap demo CDs before breaking up. Well...I have decided to pull the name back out for the new music I am working on. There are two new tracks and a couple of those old cheap ones on my SoundClick page. Check it out if you want.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Wednesday Afternoon Fall From Grace

Here I am...almost one year after graduation and I am no better off than I was then. I have only two leads and I'm not sure how good either of them are. Every day that passes without communication...I feel like my chances are decreasing. Part of that is me being impatient and part of it is me being gunshy. I really want the position in Washington but I am so afraid that something is going to come along and derail things. I have no viable options here and to be honest...I don't think I want to be here in Rocky Mount.

We have until the end of June to find a real job and a place to live. We will be homeless if we don't. We can't afford the rent on this house...especially without decent jobs. I am honestly trying to be patient and trust that things are going to work out but's getting tough. I watch Jamie dealing with her skin problems and her allergies and I'm helpless. We're sitting here waiting to see when Medicaid will kick in so she can get back to see a real doctor. Meanwhile...she suffers and there isn't a damn thing I can do. I realize that there are people in this world (in this country) that have it much worse than we do...but that doesn't make this any easier to deal with.

I have a lot of good, well-meaning people smile and nod and tell me that everything is going to work out...but this doesn't affect them. They go home and don't have to deal with it...I do. I guess I'm not using this situation the way I should be. I should be taking this experience and letting it grow my faith. I feel like the opposite is happening. I want to shake my fists at the sky and ask, "What the hell is up with this?" Then I feel guilty for even entertaining the thought.

People who don't really know me look at the last four years of my life and pat me on the back. They tell me that they're proud of me and that it's awesome to see me walking in faith. They tell me that they KNOW God is going to use me in mighty ways. Why don't I feel that way? Why am I sitting here in a dark room brooding and whining on a message board? Maybe I am losing my faith...I don't know. It's not God that I have a problem's all these people here using His name. I just want to find a group of people that prove me wrong. I want to believe that the church is the way God is reaching out to people and I want to be a part of it. I'm just having a tough time buying it right now.