Getting Older

I really have a tough time every year when Geoffry's birthday rolls around. Geo (that is what I call him) is my oldest son and is similar to me in many ways. He likes a lot of the music I listened to at his age (I guess that is not too surprising), he likes having his hair long and he likes to wear band t-shirts. All of those things are a reflection of me. I love the kid. I am proud of him. He is not the source of the difficulties I have on his birthday. The problem is that he is going to turn fourteen on Monday. I have a hard time with that because I remember being fourteen. I am not upset that I am getting older...in fact...I think it is kind of cool that I hit the big FORTY this year. The thing that blows my mind is the amount of time that has passed since I was that age. How do twenty-six years go by so quickly?

My kid is going to start high school in August. That blows my mind. It seems like my high school days were just yesterday. My first car, my first girlfriend...basically...my first everything. Now I am watching my kid experience those things and it is...well...it is weird. I wonder if my parents thought the same things I am thinking now. I would imagine that a lot of my thoughts are typical...but I hope that I am empathetic to what Geo is going through. In my opinion...and this has no basis in anything but my mind...the generational gap is not as wide now as it was when I was that age.

Does that make sense? I feel as if I am more similar to my kids than I am to my parents or grandparents. I do not think this is a bad thing. Perhaps my generation is stuck in perpetual adolescence...we are still big kids ourselves...we should be able to relate to our kids. Now...I will readily confess that I understand my parents much better now than I did at fourteen. I can relate to their fears and concerns because I now have those same fears and concerns for my kids. I appreciate my parents much more now. I am thankful for them...even if there are things I would go back and change. That does not mean that there are not some issues (especially with my father) but I think I do have a better grasp of what they were thinking.

What does all of this mean? I do not know. I guess it means that I am going to have to get used to these weird feelings. Jamie will start kindergarten this year. Chris is going to be ten. I have always had a difficult time remembering my own childhood...until my kids started hitting these milestones. They have been a window into my own past. That has been pretty cool...weird...but cool.